Being a parent is the most rock n’ roll thing I have ever done. I’m not saying I am the most rock’n roll person out there – there are definitely more rock’n roll people than me – but from what I have seen, even in the most extreme circumstances, parenting takes the cake.
I don’t care who you are, you will not encounter as much spewing, pooing, screaming, lack of sleep or full body flailing in music as you will parenting a small child. It is hard work – wayyyyy harder than playing gigs – and I have played a lot of gigs.
I have toured as a solo artist for my whole career but in 2008 I joined Harry Angus’ (of Cat Empire fame) on the road with his band Jackson Jackson. We toured across Australia for 3+ years before calling it a day. I then joined Melbourne comedy group Tripod for a hilarious theatre show about Dungeons and Dragons which toured all over the world for 2.5 years. At the same time I was playing in a band called The Rescue Ships with my partner at the time Brian Campeau, and we toured for 4 years – sleeping on floors and driving for hours in a tiny Suzuki APV to play shows across the country to small but appreciative audiences.
Then came All Our Exes Live in Texas, my harmony-driven lady folk band. We toured hard and heavy with basically no budget for 6 years in Australia and around the world, sharing beds, driving the van and carting and selling our own merch. We supported bands like Midnight Oil, Nathaniel Rateliff, The Night Sweats and even The Backstreet Boys.
I am now 43 and the mum of two small boys (Jude 1.5 and Humphrey 3.5). I was lucky enough to meet my partner at the age of 38 and start a family in the last few years (partly due to COVID bringing the music industry to a grinding halt). And I can tell you, the hardest gig of all is taking a small child on the road.
I wanted to breastfeed Jude until he was one year old. This was a sticking point for me because Humphrey (my eldest) and I had given up breastfeeding at 7 months, but Jude was a natural at it. It’s such a wonderful way to soothe and bond with your baby. It also has a multitude of health benefits for mothers and children. I am not one of those breastfeeding-obsessed people – my motto is ‘do what you gotta do’ to get that baby fed – whether it be boobs or bottle, but with Jude, we were on a roll and I wasn’t ready to let go just yet.
I had a Josh Pyke tour coming up, 10 dates across Australia for his Revisions Tour. It was October 2023 and Jude was 6 months old. At six months old a baby is just learning to sit up by themselves. They need at least 2 naps a day and a big 12-hour sleep at nighttime. They need around 6 – 8 feeds per day and constant attention, but I wanted to do the tour.
Josh Pyke hired me to play in his band and also to do the support as Elana Stone which was a huge opportunity for me. I started planning well in advance. I had already done a bit of touring with Humphrey (my 3.5 year old) so I knew how challenging it was going to be. I made a list of potential nannies in each city. Then I calculated how much it was going to cost and weighed that up against how much I was going to make.
I was going to have to get a nanny to arrive at the venue and take Jude during sound check and then stay until the end of the show, so it was an 8-hour shift. For those playing at home that’s around $250 for the nanny give or take.
I was pumping (my boobs) for about 30mins between sound check and my support slot so that the nanny could give Jude a bottle at bedtime. Then I would set up my merch, perform my set, sell the merch, help put Jude to bed in the green room, play Josh’s set, pack up (with the help of Josh’s amazing crew) and jump in the van (preferably without waking the baby). Then I would get back to the hotel room (around midnight) Jude would invariably wake up and wanna party for an hour or so in the hotel room until he finally went to sleep, only to wake up 5 hours later, bright and sparkly and ready to roll. For those playing at home, that’s 4-5 hours sleep for me each night – if I was lucky. Then I would have to do it all over again the next day.
I have not even mentioned the learning of the songs and the show itself because if you are a musician, you know how this goes but when you are under-slept it’s hard to really nail the gig.
I felt like I was doing everything slightly shabbily. Being a mum and being a musician – the quality of everything was suffering, a little bit but not enough to stop. The thing I realised was that gigging gave me energy to be a mum and mumming gave me more perspective on playing music. I was being less of a perfectionist on stage and that was actually good for me. It was also just what I had to do if I wanted to breastfeed my baby and also stay employed as a musician.
Maternity leave does not exist for musicians. There is paid parental leave which you can apply for from the government. It lasts for 12 weeks and is based on the national minimum wage which is $915.80 per week, which is $183.16 a day before tax. It’s actually not bad when compared to a musician’s average income (which recent estimates show is around $6000 per year) but when it runs out at 12 weeks, your baby is only 3 months old.
The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding your baby (if you are lucky enough to be able to do so) for up to two years or more. So you see the issue here?
Maternity leave runs out but your baby is only 3 months old. You can apply for Flexi Paid Parental leave but you cannot work if you are receiving this benefit. So you must get back to work in order to be able to support said baby – especially if you are a single mother.
I am not a single mother, luckily I have a beautiful partner (Joel). He helped massively on the NSW leg of the tour and brought our toddler Humphrey with him. I couldn’t afford to bring him for the whole tour because that would have meant I would have to pay for his flights and we would need an extra couple of seats in the van which was already pretty full with Josh’s crew and bandmates. Also, Joel had Humphrey to look after.
This is a fairly logistic heavy article and I apologise for that, but I wanted to show you what the reality of touring with a small baby looks like. I can’t quantify the smiles, the early morning walks, the cuddles from bandmates and the help with loading and unloading gear that I received every step of the way, but I want to clearly state that if artists like Josh Pyke, Missy Higgins and John Butler didn’t invest in having mums and dads play in their bands then there is no way for musicians like us to realistically tour. These artists take that risk and that’s what makes them superheroes in my eyes.
It’s important to hear the story behind the nice Instagram post about ‘mums on tour’. It’s really fucking hard and you cannot do it alone. I spent almost all of 2024 singing in Missy’s band on her Sound of White Anniversary tour. It was fantastic. But once Jude turned one, I started leaving both kids at home with my partner while I went away to work.
My partner had to give up a job to make this happen for me and I am so grateful to him, but I’m also aware that that is what women have been doing for a long time. If we take too much time out of the workforce, we can’t find our way back in. Especially in an industry as competitive as music.
Why would a successful artist take someone like me on tour when they could tour with someone who doesn’t bring their baby on the road? It often comes down to making a practical financial decision and that often means mums don’t get the gig.
I am eternally grateful to the artists I have toured with in the last four years for taking the risk and booking me to play in their bands and to support them. I honestly could not have done this without them (Missy Higgins, John Butler and Josh Pyke).
I think the call to action here is that musicians need access to proper, year-long maternity leave.
I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet – let’s work this out Support Act and fellow musician parents! We need tour managers and venue operators who understand the challenges of taking a baby on the road. A private, sound-proofed green room for breastfeeding and putting babies to sleep backstage would be amazing. A database of qualified nannies across Australia who love live music would also be super helpful.
We have come a long way in the last five years. At least now we are able to have open conversations about age-ism and sexism that have been rife throughout the music industry, but it is still alive and well and there is further to go.
Elana Stone is a Sydney-based singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist who has just released her third studio album Married To The Sound. You can listen to the album in full on all streaming platforms.
