I don’t want to invite my alcoholic dad to my wedding

Trust your gut instinct about not having him there. The shame that is creeping in may be about pressure to conform

The question I’m a 30-year-old man who works in mental health. I’m due to get married in a few months’ time. I don’t want to invite my father. He and I have been estranged for several years. We have each other’s mobile numbers, but we don’t use them. My father has a lifelong alcohol-use disorder (AUD). He was a violent man. When I was 11, my mother managed to divorce him. Since then, we have mostly parted ways, but his side of the family still attempts to guilt-trip me into caring for him.

I have grown up, gone to college and am now enjoying my career. I have come to understand more about addiction. I don’t feel resentment towards him and tend to see this in a matter-of-fact way. I do not have any affection for this man, who happens to be my father. I have come to see him as any other person with AUD, but one who happens to have fathered me for a short period of time. (I don’t have fond memories of the time we shared in the same household.)