‘Our conversations were always about her!’ How to recognise – and escape – an emotional vampire

Do certain ‘friends’ leave you feeling drained and demotivated every time you meet? You need to have a word with them – and yourself

Ellie used to wonder why she always felt drained after spending time with her friends. Then she noticed that they were constantly complaining about their jobs or their partners without ever taking steps to change. Or else they would select an unsuspecting victim and sink their teeth into them. They didn’t want to hear about Ellie, 35 – the changes she was making in her life, the new business she had started. And they certainly didn’t want to hear that it was going well, she says. “You almost felt like you couldn’t fit in with them unless you were moaning about something.”

Maybe you have one of these characters in your life: an old school friend, perhaps, who consistently leaves you feeling worse than before you met up with them. In psychological shorthand, they are known as “emotional vampires”, for their ability to suck the pleasure from a social interaction – and your energy along with it. But what are the signs that you are in one’s clutches, or that you have become one yourself? And how can we best handle such relationships?

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