She may not realise the effect she’s having on you, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Try to be clear with her about what would help
I had my first child around one year ago and the previously amicable and warm relationship with my mother-in-law has since become cool and standoffish. I feel my mother-in-law is emotionally manipulative and puts a lot of pressure on my husband, and in turn me, to spend time with my daughter. I think these feelings initiated for me when she was too present in our home in the first hours and days of my daughter coming home. On reflection, it feels as though she was invading a space that was very private and intimate at a time when I was exhausted, sore and vulnerable and unable to hold my boundaries myself. Since then I have been resentful and felt she was taking advantage of my exhaustion to get intimate time with her newborn granddaughter, as opposed to respecting what was the right thing for me. I now feel a need to keep her at arm’s length for fear she will again overstep.
My husband is supportive but ultimately feels pulled by his mother’s emotional manipulation. All in all, she is a kind woman, and I don’t think she will have even considered that her behaviour was an overstep. I don’t really know where to go from here, as I do want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandmother, but I also don’t want my mother-in-law being involved in as many aspects of my life as I know she desires. What can I do?
