From joint accounts to wealthier friends – why is money so hard to talk about?

Money is always the elephant in the room, and can be even harder to talk about than sex – but we can all benefit from a frank conversation, says Annalisa Barbieri, kicking off our You be the judge money special

The one item you will never see in a currency exchange table is what money so often stands in for. It can take the place of things like love, thought, safety, attention or fairness. And the inverse is also true; you often don’t need to spend a lot of money to make someone feel loved, or cared for. Ask any parent who has been the recipient of a homemade birthday card or present.

When I speak to divorce lawyers and mediators, they say that money is seldom overtly mentioned as a reason for the breakup. But it’s there, hiding in the tales of neglect, control, secrecy, lack of attention, meanness. And it is money, of course, that is so often used at the end of a separation to settle scores, be it a breakdown in a relationship or after a death, and be it between spouses, siblings, friends or even a child and parent. Often all the perceived injustices of life lived up to that point come out. I could fill a column a week with letters I receive about wills and estates.

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