L.A. Affairs: I slept with a married man with kids. But don’t call me a home-wrecker
L.A. Affairs,Relationships
Natalie Arroyo Camacho March 22, 2024
I met an executive chef in November 2022 at a posh Las Vegas restaurant where he worked. Sitting alone at the bar, I ordered the omakase, which meant he curated more than a dozen courses for me. (To this day, its the best meal Ive ever had.) During
C
ourse No.
seven 7
and drink No. 3 I did a shimmy because the food was
that
good.
The chef caught my happy dance from behind the bar. We smiled at each other. My smile was shy and embarrassed; his reassured me that I neednt be. He was my type: slender, ooz
inged
an awkward-yet-adorable charisma (even as he shouted out orders),
andhe his hair was
slicked back
his hair
in a ponytail like Antonio Banderas in “Desperado.”
When my server returned with my eighth course, I asked her if shed kindly deliver my compliments to the chef
him
. He came over as I was downing the foam from my espresso martini.
That good, huh? he asked.
You couldnt have waited for me to
not
have a foam mustache? I said.
Maybe, but then how would I know youre enjoying it?
We smiled at each other. I told him how much Id enjoyed every dish. Then, being the straightforward gal I am, I asked if he wanted to come back to my hotel room. He said he could meet me in an hour.
When he got to my room, we chatted over a few glasses of white wine, covering our career trajectories and what it was like to be Latine in our respective fields. Then we got into the bath and talked” some more. We dried off and kissed more, had sex and cuddled until I fell asleep.
I woke up to a text from the chef. It was a photo of him kissing my cheek as I slept.
Night night. Ill text you maana, he said. Maana came, and I asked him if hed be back for
R
ound
two 2
. I wish. I have dinner plans with a buddy tonight. I had soooo much fun, he replied.
The next day, I returned
to L.A. and
my apartment in the Valley. The chef and I texted intermittently, once in January 2023 and another time in March of that same year. Our conversations were always short, and we
never made plans
to visit each other.
The last week of April, I was back at his restaurant, where he covered the bill for my sister and me. After we had finished eating, the chef asked me if wed be hanging out post-dinner again. Of course, I said.
We walked back to my room to repeat our escapades from six months prior: the wine, the talking, the bath, the making out and the sex. We did it all over again, and it was somehow better than the first time.
I asked him if we could go back to his place since my sister was due back
to the room
in
half
a
nhalf-
hour. He said we couldnt.
What? Do you have roommates who dont let you have guests? I asked, wryly.
Yeah, actually. My wife and kids
Good one. Let me get dressed, and then well go, I said. I was
sure
he was joking.
Im serious, he said. Im so sorry I didnt tell you before. I couldnt figure out how.
I couldnt speak through my sobbing. The term homewrecker makes my skin crawl probably because my dad was serially unfaithful to my mom, which I knew about for two reasons.
First, my mom wasnt shy about telling me. At the parties of family friends, shed often say things like, There goes that skank your father cheated on me with.
The other reason is that when I was about 13, my dad sat me and my siblings down to tell us he was moving out because he cheated on my mom.
So you can imagine my disgust when I found out that the guy I had slept with
on two occasions
was married and had three kids.
All I could think was: Im a homewrecker now. Im that skank. I pictured my mom’s heartbreak of being cheated on. When I finally caught my breath, all I could say to the chef was, This isnt so much about you as it is about my own trauma with my mom and dad.
He stared at me blankly before apologizing and saying
that
he never meant to hurt me. I told him
that
he needed to resolve his issues. Either get divorced or make it right, I said, crying. But please stop doing this to your wife and kids.”
I will, he said, but I didnt believe him not even a little bit.
I cried myself to sleep that night because I was so embarrassed. The guilt and shame I felt ate away at me for months. As masochistic as it seems, Id still choose to do everything all over again, not because of him but because the fiasco taught me a powerful lesson.
I could keep lugging around a cross that wasnt mine to bear. Or I could find a way to lick my wounds and get back out there. At first, I thought I needed to ask people about their relationship status
es
.
After a couple of sessions with my therapist, I realized that
that
wasnt the lesson. Instead, the way for me to move on was to place blame with whom it actually
lied lay
: the chef who omitted crucial information. I
only
assumed blame
only
because I thought Id hurt someone the way
I ‘d beenwas
hurt.
The harsh reality is that it
‘snot wasn’t
my responsibility to avoid hurting a family or partner
that
I didn’t know existed. Even if I
had
asked, he could have lied.
I also realized that Id been holding the women my father was with at fault for something that they might have unknowingly participated in much like I had with the chef. Thinking about that, I realized where the blame should be placed.
During that April visit with the chef, he left my hotel room around 1:30 a.m. I havent seen or talked to him since, and Ill likely never find out whether he came clean. But I also dont care.
After almost a year of badgering myself, I understand that the chef’s mistakes arent on me. And I dont have anything I need to apologize for.
The author is a freelance writer and lifestyle journalist. She lives in the San Fernando Valley. She’s on Instagram:
For print: L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find past columns at latimes.com/laaffairs.
chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email
. You can find submission guidelines
. You can find past columns
.
