There may be ways to protect yourself from her negativity without jettisoning the relationship, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Start by creating boundaries
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I have a close friend of 15 years. When I met her, she was fun-loving and positive but in the last few years she has gradually got more negative. We live in different countries and speak regularly, and every time I talk to her all she does is complain about her life and paint herself as the victim. She is a fellow therapist and I have encouraged her to get support to work through the patterns she is in, but she never does. It gets to the point where I get fed up with the moaning and frustrated that she isn’t taking responsibility for her life. When this happens, I usually point out that nothing will change until she does. She responds by lashing out at me angrily, becoming defensive and giving me the silent treatment.
This has recently happened again and I am tired of it. It has occurred at a time that I am going through some difficulties. I have told her that I do not deserve to be treated like this and asked for an apology. I am very hurt that she hasn’t apologised and her latest message put it all back on me. I also recognise that I need to accept she doesn’t want help, but I find it very difficult to have a person like this in my life now. Part of me wants to use this latest rupture as an exit strategy. Should I?
