The attempt to boost my immune system hasn’t had the desired effects. I have been half-naked in public, and misunderstood Taylor Swift’s advice with catastrophic results. But one change has worked …
‘Nobody tells you this!” For the first year of my now almost-three-year-old’s life, that was my catchphrase. I would say it nonstop. Nobody tells you that you will hallucinate from sleep deprivation in the first few months after having a baby. Nobody tells you how much time you will spend thinking about a baby’s bowel movements. Nobody tells you just how explosive those bowel movements can be.
Eventually, after much complaining, I came to the sheepish realisation that people do tell you this stuff. They tell you all the time. I just hadn’t been listening. Let’s be honest: when you’re not actively trying to procreate there is nothing more boring than hearing about the digestive issues or nocturnal routines of other people’s children.
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