You couldn’t throw a juggling stick in Las Vegas last week without hitting a Phish phan who was totally phreaking out about the band’s mind-melting run of shows at the Sphere. Definitely count comedian and The Price Is Right host Drew Carey among those whose minds were pried open by the visual and musical spectacle the veteran Vermont jam band brought to the one-of-a-kind venue.
How do we know Carey really, really enjoyed his first Phish-sperience? Well, he described it in vivid, strangely sexual detail in a bonkers rant on fellow comedian Taylor Tomlinson’s late night show After Midnight on Tuesday night. During the talky portion of the show where contestants typically answer the host’s jokey questions, Tomlinson asked Carey “if you weren’t being filmed right now, what would you say?”
That was all the runway Carey needed to launch into a psychedelic monologue that had the typically unflappable host looking amusingly shocked.
“Gimme a minute. So, I saw Phish at the Sphere this weekend. Never saw Phish, didn’t know a Phish tune, and they f–king blew my mind off so hard,” Carey said as he hustled to center stage and began walking around animatedly and gesticulating like a religious convert as Tomlinson said “oh” and fellow guest “Weird” Al Yankovic looked delightedly confused. “I had a bunch of girls with me, and I thought to myself is this what it’s like to…” Carey said, as censors stepped in to bleep what appeared to be a graphic sexual description.
Carey definitely didn’t stop there. “It was like being edged for four days straight. And then right before the face-melting climax at the end of the fourth day, an angel comes down from heaven, Gabriel, and he shoots f–king heroin in your arm, and he says, ‘Good luck now motherf–er!’ And he leaves, and you have an orgasm for 15 minutes while your eyeballs fall out of your head!”
Cut to a shot of Tomlinson looking, well, amusingly phreaked out while the next five minutes of her show were totally, and hilariously, derailed by the Carey crack-up as Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!) could not stop making jokes about the rant. “Next time they play the Sphere, you better not miss it,” Carey counseled. “That was so great and we can definitely use all of it, absolutely, absolutely we can.” Tomlinson joked.
“HR wants to talk to all of you,” Lennon said.
What she couldn’t have used was an earlier from Carey on Monday, in which he got even more graphic. “I swear I just talked to God I would give you all my money, stick my d–k in a blender and swear off p—y for the rest of my life in exchange for this,” Carey wrote along with video of the show he saw. “Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie.”
Watch Carey’s Phish tale below.
